Normalcy

These last few days have been so...normal.

When I was diagnosed I was so sad to lose my normal. That was one of the hardest parts, adjusting to this new life that I didn't ask for and didn't want (still don't). I wouldn't say I didn't appreciate the normal, but I did not realize how much I would seriously miss it.

It has been such a treat this past few weeks to feel normal. Minus the whole hair thing, I feel pretty much like myself. I am eating, not getting tired as easily, and just really feel good. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever feel normal again, and I am glad to know I will. I will have a new normal once this is all over, but I won't be completely starting from scratch.

I went back to my summer nannying job last week. This is my fourth summer with these kids and one of my favorite parts of summer. I am so glad to get to spend some of my days this next month with these kids! It felt so normal to wake up, get ready (which actually takes much less time now so yay for more sleep!), and head to their house.


I moved out of my apartment this last Sunday. It would have been hard under the best circumstances (we had some good times there!), but the current circumstances made it slightly harder. I remember moving in like it was yesterday and I never expected (who would?) for it to end the way it did. It made me really miss school and being on my own. I know there are more good times ahead and I will be super happy to go back and visit the apartment and my friends who live there!

I am really trying to embrace this time of feeling good before everything starts back up. I am trying my best not to think about what lies ahead or even anything to do with cancer. It is so easy to fall back into how things were before, so I am also trying to balance it out so I am not redevasted when things start back up. I can't believe I so crave what I was lucky to have for 20 years and 2 months. I just want my normal day to day back. I am tired of hospitals and doctors appointments. I am sick of feeling tired and nauseous. This break has been great, but also makes me want the final end of all this. I cannot wait to finally be DONE with everything. The ever popular saying "you don't know what you've got till it is gone" is so true (and to anyone who started singing A Little Bit Longer by the Jonas Brothers in your heads I apologize).

All this to say, I cannot promise to never complain about normal everyday things again. One night last week, the printer would not print what I needed it to and I was in a rush. I got really frustrated (not a proud moment). During those times in my old life, I would tell myself that if this is my biggest problem, I am lucky. I still consider myself lucky, but it was weird to think the printer not working is not my biggest problem. I am not sure if this will make sense to anyone but me, but I hope you understand what I am saying! Anyway, I still flip out about the printer not working and I know I will definitely complain about schoolwork and daily activities again. I have a new perspective and appreciation for the ordinary for sure, but I am still human :). I hope anyone who reads this won't feel bad about complaining their problems, just try to have some added perspective after you get the frustrations out!

I have been keeping busy and it feels good! I actually started this post last week, but have hardly had a chance to sit at the computer and finish it since then! I like to be busy though and am thankful I feel well enough to be. I have seen lots of movies (Trainwreck may just be my new all time favorite movie ever...I've seen it twice already). My appetite has come back in full force as in I eat a corn dog (my new craving) before I eat dinner. It feels so good to eat! I went out to eat one day last week with some friends and nearly cleared my plate! I've done my usual errands and am helping to restore my personal spot in the economy one shirt at a time. When I am not out on errands, I am usually cuddling with my beloved Stanley. He is still not completely housebroken (which is an issue), but he is still adorable so he makes up for it!

There's nothing too exciting to update on, which is actually nice for a change! I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to deal with some sensitivity issues I have been having, but other than that there is nothing medical going on. It is definitely a nice break! I'm still trying to convince my mom we need to go see One Direction next week (!)...I did manage to find front row seats so if anyone would like to loan me 1200 dollars I could go :).

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer...I cannot believe how fast it is has gone and I can't talk about it...right now anyway. I am already planning a post about how much I don't want my friends to go back to school.

Thanks for all the continued love and support! I promise to keep this place updated, but if you don't hear from me till surgery just assume all is well and I am keeping busy!

I'll leave you with some pictures!

Stanley's first trip to Petsmart! 

All dressed up and nowhere to go