Nothing too exciting has been happening, which is really a good thing. I was in the hospital last Thursday-Sunday (I really think they messed up and could have let me go Saturday but oh well!!). I am hoping things go as smooth and quick this time! After this stay, I only have 4 more stays (2 more total rounds) which doesn't seem too bad. I have one of my favorite nurses this today, which helps tremendously. I love the majority of my nurses and will miss them when I no longer have to come. I also gained a pound over the last week so that was good news too! It may seem like nothing, but I was happy to see the scale go up, not down (things sure have changed!)I
On that note, I have spent A LOT of time thinking about the future. While I know I definitely have time, I am beginning to try to piece together what life will look like after this ends. I don't want to get too ahead of myself, so I am sure I will be writing more on this later. Everytime I see my doctor he goes "you're almost done!" or something along those lines. While super encouraging (I know not everyone gets to hear that) and true, December (praying things stay on schedule), seems far away to me when I think about what happens between now and then. I am on week 16 of 26 so time is moving...even if it isn't always as fast as I would like.
This is going to sound total weird if you don't also do it, but does anyone else associate smells with things? I have always done this. Certain smells bring me straight back to a person or place or event. Growing up, my friends' houses always had their own "smell". Doing this is both good and bad. It is good when I am reminded of happy times or people I miss, but bad when it comes to this whole "journey". The smell of the chemo infusion room literally makes me nauseous. I pray I can forget the smell of the hospital. There is a certain plug in/air freshener that was in the bathroom at home that I will never, ever be able to use again. I have a particular "hospital deoderant" because the smel reminds me of the hospital too much to use anywhere else. For this reason, I haven't worn any of my good perfumes since treatment started. I LOVE perfume and have quite a collection, so this has been hard. Luckily, I don't go very many places, which helps ha! Anyway, this whole paragraph came about because I wore a nightgown the other night that I realized probably hadn't been washed since I last washed it in my apartment at school. I use Unstoppable scent beads (totally awesome invention if you like good smelling laundry!) and I am 99% these smelled of the ones I used at school. It really made me sad. Who would have thought the last time I put that nightgown away that I would be where I am now. I realize this will happen with lots of things I go to put on now. It caught me off guard and was not something I had considered. Sometimes it really is the little things!
On a happier note, I was surprised twice in the last week! Usually I am the person who plans the surprises, so it is nice to be on the other side! I also am very nosy so the few times people have tried to surprise me, I kind of knew! The first surprise was last Saturday when I finally got to meet a friend I had been e-mailing with who was diagnosed with breast cancer a month before I was diagnosed. While we are in totally different walks of life and had different diagnoses, she has been a great source of support for me as someone who "gets" it. She was up in Greenville this weekend visiting her mom (who my mom worked with last year) so they both came to the hospital to visit. It was SUCH a treat to be able to meet in person and talk! I can't wait till we get together again, hopefully somewhere other than the hospital! The second surprise happened yesterday. I knew 2 of my best friends were coming over, but what I didn't know was that one of them brought one of my closest friends at school back to Greenville with her! I am sure most of you have seen the devastation in Columbia due to flooding. Thankfully my apartment is okay, but there were all kinds of water shortages and advisories, so everyone came home! Anyway, it was such a great surprise to get to see my friends (especially the one I hadn't seen since last spring!). I never realize how much I miss hanging out with them until we get together!
On a less happy note (this post is like a rollar coaster!), I have been suffering from mouth sores yet again, thank you methotrexate. It started as the usual soreness, but turned into actual sores we notices this morning. It is TERRIBLE! Seriously awful. I slept with a cold wash cloth on my lower lip last night. I debated including a picture to emphasize how GOD AWFUL these things are, but decided some of you may be reading this around dinner time. You're welcome. I have some things to help, but nothing lasts more than like 10 minutes. I am hoping they go away and do not come back after this next round. I want to eat and drink like a (semi) normal person!! I would rather be nauseous because at least there are meds and you can knock yourself out. This pain is constant and it hurts. It is the only time I have ever cried from being in pain and actually feel like I am suffering. Nothing good to say about this aspect at all.
Back on a lighter note, thank you SO SO SO MUCH for all the support with the t-shirts. Like I said before, I hate asking people for things, especially when I cannot do much in return. They will be for sale till November 1, so if you haven't grabbed yours yet you can click this link and do so (if you want...no pressure :) ). Here is the link: https://www.booster.com/strongandsassie129. For details, check out my last post! I am thinking it would be really cool to pick a day for everyone to wear them and post them using my hashtag (I really promise I am not a self-absorbed person). We will see what happens!! I cannot do much right now, but I promise one day to figure out how to thank everyone. I feel like thank you has lost its meaning, but please know how sincere it is.
I think that covers everything floating through my head. It took me hours to write this post, so chemo is in and I should try to do some schoolwork. I am really tired though, so a nap may win out!
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend...and I hope I am out of here ASAP!
No comments:
Post a Comment