This past Wednesday was my last dose of Cisplatin. While all chemo drugs suck, this is one sucks slightly more, especially when combined with the other chemo drug I get at the same time. It is the first of several lasts I have coming up, and I cannot wait. Currently, I feel okay. I have been sleeping A LOT and I know the side effects probably won't kick in till later this week. I am just really hoping the mouth pain stays at a minimum since it finally just went away from the last time.
Last weekend, my mom and I were able to escape down to the beach with some of our good friends, just us girls. It was a lovely weekend and much needed. The weather was GORGEOUS! You probably could have tanned (no worries I was fully covered from head to toe). I did not put on a bathing suit this whole year (kind of a waste since I am the smalllest I have been in years...mostly kidding). I am hopeful next year will include many beach trips where I can actually tan! It felt so good to get away. I ate (despite the mouth pain) and even made it out on the beach! We weren't sure how it was going to work at first, but I was able to hobble down on the beach with my crutches. It felt so good to sit and get a change of scenery. I honestly felt like a whole different person there. When I wasn't looking in the mirror, I almost forgot what is currently happening.
I have a had a few of these moments lately where I cannot believe what has happened and what is happening. I see all the reminders, but I still can't believe I got cancer and have gone through what I have. Part of me is glad it is easy to forget because it will make it easier for this to all be a distant memory one day. I think back to last year at this time and think of all that I had coming. It works on the flip side too, that who knows what next year at this time will look like, but I am choosing not to focus what little energy I have on that!
I think one of the (many) reasons cancer is so scary is because we all want to believe bad stuff won't happen to us. It is so easy to see those stories on the news about tragic kidnappings or unfortunate accidents and think that we have some control over those things happening. Guess what...there is no control when it comes to cancer. It can and does happen to anyone. I don't say this to scare anyone, but seriously if I can get it anyone can. Sure some lifestyle choices have an affect, but not all the time. I know it must have been scary for my friends to find out their 20 year old friend got cancer. Doesn't cancer only happen to old people? I know when I see people in the stores that they are thankful it isn't them or their kid. I get that for a lot of people this is their worst nightmare and I am a reminder of that. Be thankful it isn't you...but don't forget that it could be.
I know I never researched much into it. I never thought it would happen to me! I was 20 and healthy. I ate my fruits and veggies and quinoa. Nothing is going to change if everyone who isn't personally affected by it turns a blind eye. Sure, that is easier, but it isn't right. I am sorry it took this for me to realize how much work needs to be done in the world of cancer. Yes, there are aspects of cancer that are sad and hard to deal with, but there is also so much hope. And we need that hope for things to change. I'm not saying live in fear, but instead be proactive now just incase God forbid you find yourself in a similar situation. Shoulda, coulda, wouldas, are nice, but why wait till it gets to that point?
Anyway, sorry for my little rant. In other news, I can now walk up and down the stairs! Slowly and holding on, but I no longer have to sit. It is still tiring (chemo fatigue is real y'all) but more efficient! I also have slowly been using the crutches and walker less and less. It is easier for me to hobble around my house without them! When I go out I still use the crutches and probably will need to for the foreseeable future, but I am quite happy with the progress.
I switched out my drawers a few weeks ago so my fall stuff is accessible. Next time I have a burst of energy I seriously need to go through my closet! Anyway, not the point. I put away all my shorts and all I could think of is what life will hopefully look like when I take them out again next spring. I will remember the night I put them away while still limping around bald. It was a bit of a challenge getting stuff from the hall closet to my room and vice versa, but I was resourceful and did it alll without help!
In other exciting news, my mom and I bought tickets to see Amy Schumer in December. I am so excited and it will hopefully be a happy end-of-chemo gift to me! December sounds so far away, but hopefully it will go by fast. It is gonna (hopefully) be a big month!
Other than that, I am pretty much just resting and snuggling with Stanley. He has more than fulfilled his purpose of a cuddly dog! I am more tired than usual this round, but it is better than being nauseous. I have the rest of this week of and all of next week. I believe I will go to the hospital on the 10th (since I am on a Tuesday/Wednesday schedule now). That will repeat the following week and after that I will only have two more inpatient stays (one round but two consective weeks).
I cannot believe Halloween is this weekend! I haven't been home for Halloween in two years since I have been at school. I love handing out candy so hopefully I can make it downstairs to do that. We don't have any plans. We will dress Stanley up and take pictures and probably eat more candy then we give away! I am mostly counting down till Thanksgiving. That is my absoulte favorite holiday and I cannot wait to celebrate with my cousins.
I think that is it from around here. I go to the doctor tomorrow for labs and just to check in. Other than that, not much to report (thankfully...I hope it stays that way). I wanted to write, but this post seems to be all over the place!!
One last thing, my t-shirt campaign closes Sunday so if you want a shirt, don't forget!! The response has been amazing. I cannot thank you all enough for the sweet messages and for buying one! I have bracelets but we have yet to figure out the best way to distrubute them unless we see you in person! If anyone has any suggestions...I'm open! The link for t-shirts is: https://www.booster.com/strongandsassie129
Also, I created a Facebook page (which is what I should have done originally). I'll be posting on there instead of my personal FB from now on, so like it if you want to keep up!!
I will leave you with some pictures! No quote this time...couldn't find one that struck me! There's a first time for everything! I will have to do some research or read a book!
Just moments after my LAST EVER cisplatin infusion finished! I requested to be in a private room (sounds way more VIP than it is!) instead of the recliners this last round. I wish I had been doing that from the start! I get to lay in an actual bed and they have TVs in there. Never mind the fact that I am not stuck out in the main area with all the old people (no offense). I am there so long two days in a row, it was nice to have a bit of privacy!
Yes out shirts match. Yes I know I may have gone too far BUT LOOK HOW CUTE?! He looks like a lifeguard at th beach in this shirt :).
It doesn't get better than the beach with great weather, snacks, and company! It was actully fairly crowded for October on the beach, this picture is misleading!
He is such a baby! And good news...he gained back his bed privledges! He has been able to sleep with me (since he seems to have stopped peeing on the bed)and it is absolute heaven!
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