Good

Yes, it is another update in less than a week :)!

I had a very busy week! From going to doing absolutely nothing last week to having something everyday this week was quite an adjustment. Add that into the fact that most of my things this week were in the morning and I am not a morning person and you understand why I am so tired!

First off was the appointment with my surgeon, Dr. P. I am sure most of you have heard by now, but the meeting went fabulous. Since I am feeling tired and lazy (see above) I will post here what I posted on Facebook incase you haven't heard:

 "So as miserable as chemo is, it is all worth it because it is working! I met with my surgeon today and got my pathology report. They look for the tumor to be 90% dead and mine came back 87.2%! My surgeon said because it was so close it could just be statistical error or something like that! Because of this, I will most likely remain on my same chemo regime (which is good!). The tumor in the bone was 100% killed and the part outside was 87% killed and he got clear margins so it all was removed! Sorry this is so long just have to share the great news! I have an appointment with the chemo doctor Thursday and should start back next week or the following! Thanks so so much for all the love and prayers!"

As you can see, all went extremely well. I didn't realize how relieved I felt to have the news till I got it. I am so incredibly thankful that things are going so well. I don't take it for granted for a second. He also said that my incision was healing well and was surprised at my range of mobility for not having started PT yet. He uncovered the incision and it is actually a lot thinner than I expected. Once the steri-strips fall off it will look a lot less gross. I am free to keep it uncovered, but feel more comfortable when it is. I also got him to sign a paper so I can get a handicap pass. After being out these last few days, I realize how necessary it is for the time being, but I can't say I am also not excited to have it so parking is easier haha!

I was supposed to go to PT that afternoon, but ended up not feeling so good, so we cancelled and I slept.

Tuesday I ended up at my regular doctor because I had a bladder infection. I thought I had one last week so my surgeon called in an anti-biotic, but it never completely went away. I told my mom it was funny that I have all these doctors, but we no longer know what to do for a simple UTI. Anyway, I got the prescription for that and hopefully it clears up. (clearly my boundaries have changed because I have no trouble posting about my bladder for everyone to read).

Wednesday was my first day of PT. My PT guy is really nice and gentle, which is what I need. The place is quiet and calm. I don't need some crazy gym person yelling at me to lift up my leg! He gave me several exercises to do at home and did a lot of stretching. It did not hurt as bad as I expected, it actually felt kind of good. I knew it was going to be a lot of work to get back to myself, but I did not realize how much. We learned we are working to build up my quad muscle. It is completely weak. I can see how his exercises will help and I look forward to seeing progress! He also taught me how to properly use my crutches so I have been using them for short outings out into the world. My mom and I ran into CVS after PT which was my first time in public since before my surgery! My crutches were good then, but I can see them being extremely tiring for longer errands. I was extremely sore after PT so I came home and napped (that is a common occurrence these days).

Thursday I met with my chemo doctor, Dr. B. He too was thrilled with the results of the pathology and surgery. He said it was the best we could hope for and we are trucking a long. All good news! I am set to begin chemo again next Thursday and Friday. It is the same regime as before, but one of the chemo drugs gets dropped later in the course of treatment. I have about 14 weeks of treatment left which has me finishing up around the middle of December. I pray all things stick to schedule so that is what happens! When he was showing us the schedule and he pointed to the week and said "that is where you finish" I think I almost cried! The light is truly at the end of the tunnel and I am so incredibly thankful!

Now, as excited as I am to get things moving so they can end, I cannot say I am looking forward to chemo. It sucks and I think I am forgetting how much. I just pray that the mouth sores STAY AWAY. I am pretty terrified that they will happen again. Nausea, I can handle, but mouth sores are actually hell on Earth. I also really need to put some weight on before I start again Thursday. I lost a lot of weight the first two rounds for many reasons. Chemo messes with your tastebuds, you are so nauseous, and then of course the mouth sores. I really do try to eat when I can, but sometimes it is hard. I simply cannot afford to lose anymore weight though, so I will have to try even harder. It doesn't help that when I do wanna eat, I want cucumbers haha! My one chance to binge eat junk and I don't want it! I am also kinda bummed my hair is gonna come out again. Although it is not nearly as much and I knew it was gonna happen, it is pretty sad to know I have come all this way! At least now I know what to expect when it does come back for good!

Then today, Friday, I had PT again and went to the grocery store to try and get some food I feel like eating. I have been to Publix 39485 times, but I never expected to be there in a wheelchair! You should have seen my mom and I trying to manage the baskets and wheelchair in the store! We made it though, somehow!

I am super excited I don't have anywhere to be this weekend. I will have PT Tuesday, but thats it until Thursday. I plan on seeing some friends that are home and snuggling with my dogs! I am going to try to do some shopping, since I am having withdraws (that's how my mom says she knows I am feeling better...when I say I need to go shopping!). I hear some of the stores have fall stuff out and I need to indulge :). I also have a few restaurants I need to get to before my tastebuds go away!

I am still in a lot of pain from surgery. I still take pain meds, although I am trying to wean off as much as I can. I really don't mean to complain here because I know how lucky I am and how much worse things could be, but hear me out. I am NEVER comfortable. I am not comfortable standing or sitting or laying down. I can get my leg in a comfy position for like 5 minutes and then it needs to be moved. That may not sound that bad except for the fact that I cannot move my leg by myself. Sleeping is next to impossible. I literally wake up at least 4 times a night either in pain or just because I am so uncomfortable. What I wouldn't give to be able to get a good night sleep. I get so frustrated when I am not comfy and I am tired. I have tried all kinds of pillow arrangements and positions and nothing lasts. It is starting to get really, really old. I just want to sleep! I am gonna try and hobble up the stairs this weekend to see if I can get into my bed...it is a big goal so I am not sure if we will get there!

Other than that, things are pretty good. Really good actually. Kind of weird to call life "good" at the moment. Sure it is not the good I would have wanted or expected, but it is good for what it is. Great actually. I know not everyone leaves their oncologist smiling, and that is something I think about constantly. I see stories all the time and they just break my heart. I am so, so grateful things are going so well. Really. Even in the worst of my pain and misery I try to remember that. I am also incredibly grateful to have so many people in my life who make me excited to share the good news with. I have gotten so many kind messages and gestures. I promise I am working on thank you notes, but please know I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for everything.

I think that is it from me! I hope everyone enjoys their long weekend! If only the temperatures would actually drop after Labor Day!