I wouldn't say I am nervous for tomorrow. I mean people get chemo all the time, I am not nervous about what is going to happen tomorrow. I am kind of anxious about how I am going to feel the rest of the week. I think once this first round is over, I will feel better because I will have some idea of what to expect. I think not knowing is the hardest part.
I know the actual event is going to be anti-climatic. It sounds like this big thing, but really it won't be. I don't expect tomorrow to hurt or anything. I am more afraid I may become bored and run out of things to do! I need to pack up my bag of stuff to bring. I feel like I am packing for the first day of school (oh how I wish). I don't know what exactly to bring or not bring. It is just weird.
I know the actual event is going to be anti-climatic. It sounds like this big thing, but really it won't be. I don't expect tomorrow to hurt or anything. I am more afraid I may become bored and run out of things to do! I need to pack up my bag of stuff to bring. I feel like I am packing for the first day of school (oh how I wish). I don't know what exactly to bring or not bring. It is just weird.
Meanwhile, I am trying not to focus on all the "should be" things. I should be having my last day of classes tomorrow. I should be packing up my apartment. I should be getting excited about coming home for the summer. I should be stressing about finals. I should be hanging out with all my friends I won't see over the summer. I should be excited about the summer ahead with two of my favorite kids. I should be planning trips with my friends. Should be, should be, should be....
I am not really prepared to not feel like "me". It is hard to describe, but I am bummed I won't feel like my usual self. I know I may get glimpses of it, but I also know that I am going to be spending a decent amount of time tired and nauseous. I really don't want this whole summer to be a washout. I want to be able to salvage something. I'm honestly kind of scared I won't feel like myself again until this is all over.
On the bright side I had a good weekend. I was able to do a lot of my favorite things. I had a sleepover, went to Starbucks, squeezed in a Target trip, and babysat. I got to spend good quality time with two of my three best friends. All things I hope to continue to do, despite this crappy chemo stuff.
I wish tomorrow did not have a reason to exist, but I can't do anything about that. So I go in tomorrow and then Tuesday armed with my iPad, magazines, and Biology homework. Let's be honest though, it is at 8am so I am probably going to sleep! I have never been a morning person and I don't expect that to change (plus I doubt much sleep will be happening tonight). Prayers the chemo is kind to me, but hell on this cancer are appreciated!!!
I promise to keep you all updated at all times! I am not expecting tomorrow to be too bad, but I have kind of written off the rest of the week. I plan on sleeping a lot and catching up on some DVR!
I hope everyone has a great Monday and that all my friends have a great last day of classes! I can't wait for you all to be home with me!!
But it's strange, when you've always been told something is true, like the moon will come back. You need proof. And while you wait, you feel the entire balance of your world just tipping. It's crazy. But when it's over, and it does come back, that's the best, because it's all you want, everything narrows to just that. It's this great rush, like for that one second everything's okay with the world again. It's amazing.”
― Sarah Dessen, Keeping the Moon
I am not really prepared to not feel like "me". It is hard to describe, but I am bummed I won't feel like my usual self. I know I may get glimpses of it, but I also know that I am going to be spending a decent amount of time tired and nauseous. I really don't want this whole summer to be a washout. I want to be able to salvage something. I'm honestly kind of scared I won't feel like myself again until this is all over.
On the bright side I had a good weekend. I was able to do a lot of my favorite things. I had a sleepover, went to Starbucks, squeezed in a Target trip, and babysat. I got to spend good quality time with two of my three best friends. All things I hope to continue to do, despite this crappy chemo stuff.
I wish tomorrow did not have a reason to exist, but I can't do anything about that. So I go in tomorrow and then Tuesday armed with my iPad, magazines, and Biology homework. Let's be honest though, it is at 8am so I am probably going to sleep! I have never been a morning person and I don't expect that to change (plus I doubt much sleep will be happening tonight). Prayers the chemo is kind to me, but hell on this cancer are appreciated!!!
I promise to keep you all updated at all times! I am not expecting tomorrow to be too bad, but I have kind of written off the rest of the week. I plan on sleeping a lot and catching up on some DVR!
I hope everyone has a great Monday and that all my friends have a great last day of classes! I can't wait for you all to be home with me!!
But it's strange, when you've always been told something is true, like the moon will come back. You need proof. And while you wait, you feel the entire balance of your world just tipping. It's crazy. But when it's over, and it does come back, that's the best, because it's all you want, everything narrows to just that. It's this great rush, like for that one second everything's okay with the world again. It's amazing.”
― Sarah Dessen, Keeping the Moon
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