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Some Updates

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I haven't given an update in awhile, so I figured I would go ahead and do that.

First up, the medical part of my life:

I got my port placed last Friday. The procedure was quick and the doctor said it went well. It has been extremely sore and uncomfortable this last week. I think that goes away eventually. It is slightly bruised and there are 2 incision marks. The actual port is A LOT smaller than I had thought! It isn't very noticeable if you are facing me, but you can see if from the side. I thought it was going to be a lot more noticeable so I am glad it is not! The biggest struggle has been with adhesive. I have to keep it covered until the glue rubs off. I have always had sensitive skin and sometimes get allergic reactions to adhesive. This makes wearing these bandaids EXTREMELY ITCHY! We try and reposition the bandaids each time to allow the skin to breathe, but I will be so happy to not have to cover it up anymore! The other issue is that I like to fall asleep on my stomach. The first two nights, that was impossible, but I am slowly finding a way to do it!

I met with the fertility doctor today. I cannot say I ever expected to find my 20 year old self there (with my mom!). Originally I thought we would be freezing my eggs, but that process takes several weeks and we want to start this chemo already. Instead, I will have a shot of lupron. They have a 3 month shot, so I will get two of them over the course of treatment. My nonmedical explanation is that it shuts down your ovaries so they don't release any eggs, therefore not exposing them to the chemo. Once I finish chemo, they will have to "wake up" and should resume their function. Both the fertility doctor and Dr. B think that I should not have any problem with the shots. I was originally told there would be a 14% chance of fertility issues, but the doctor today said 10% chance at the most with these shots. Two of the chemo drugs I will get are not even on the list of drugs that mess with fertility, and the one that is, is at the very bottom of the list. The bright side of this is no periods for however long! The downside of this is that I am talking about possible fertility issues at TWENTY. Also the shots have some side effects so I will be on some medicine that will counteract them.

Just FYI the BC (before cancer) me would never have DREAMED about posting stuff about ovaries and periods on a public blog where everyone from my old teachers to my dad (sorry dad) can read! The AD (after diagnoses) me no longer cares! (well I guess I still kind of care, but not enough to not post about them!).

So when will I start chemo? Great question, I am wondering myself. Not that I am excited to feel nauseous and tired all the time, but I am ready to get this show on the road. I wanna get started because the sooner it starts the sooner it ends. I will have the lupron shot before any chemo starts. Dr. B is going to call me tomorrow to figure things out. I am hoping I will start maybe the end of next week. When I know, I promise you all will know too!

I think that is all the medical stuff for now. Now onto more fun stuff.

My cousins were able to come into town last weekend. I know that 14 hour drive is no fun, but I am SO thankful they did it anyway! It was so great to have them here. We have been through a lot the last two or so years, but it did not mess with our sense of humor or love of being together. I was so sad to see them go and am counting down till they come back!

Yesterday I drove down to Columbia for the day. It was great to see my apartment and friends down there. I never thought I would be sad to leave that apartment, but I was! The semester is almost finished and I am so glad all my friends will soon be home! They may not be as excited because I am going to force them all to come to my treatments with me and keep my sick self company!

Being back in Columbia was sad. I never expected to be back like this. We went to the Chipotle I have been to a million times, but this time was different. I wanted to go up to every single person in the restaurant and tell them how lucky they are. They may have a lot of work to do finishing up the semester, but their college life is still the same. They just have no idea. Oddly enough, I do not feel this way about hearing my friends complain about classes. I think it is because my friends know. Their worlds have been rocked too. Not that I want anyone to go through what I am currently going through, but I just want people to know that it does happen. It happens to anyone. Just a month ago, I was a regular college kid getting dinner at Chipotle.

I was angry when I got home. I am angry that the semester is almost over, yet I haven't even started treatment. I am not sure if this could have been prevented or fixed, but I am still mad. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of being uncomfortable. It just sucks because this is just the beginning. It is going to get a lot worse before it gets any better. And that sucks. I just want to go back to my life before. But everyday is one day closer to being done! That is what I need to focus on!

I meet with the counselor tomorrow. I am kind of excited. I think it is going to be really helpful for me. I still get horrible, mean waves. Right before they took me back for my port procedure, I had a breakdown. I was just so sad. All my friends were at school in classes and I was getting wheeled back for surgery. It was just a moment of reality slapping me in the face. I need to get used to hospital rooms unfortunately.

Have you ever had a bad dream that you feel so glad to wake up from? I feel like I can't wake up. Not that every minute is some horrible nightmare, but when I wake up the first thought that hits me is "well this is real life".  I am thinking that may stop eventually, but right now it is not a fun way to wake up. When did this happen to me? When did this become real life?!

On the bright side, I was able to bring my TV back from Columbia to put in my room. My parents have always been super anti-TV in bedrooms, so this was a nice surprise. Sadly it is under these conditions, but I am excited to be able to catch up on DVR from my bed! And I need a little table to put the TV on in my room so I get a shopping trip out of it! Anyone who knows me knows how much I love a needed shopping trip :).

I have started looking into fun hats and wigs. If anyone knows where to get good, well made wigs, please let me know! I'm trying not to think too much about losing my hair and rather just embrace it while I have it. I do have to say that all this rainy weather is making me excited I won't have to deal with hair in the humidity! Also less shaving this summer! Bright side again.

I started watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix. If you haven't watched it yet, you need to! It is so funny and good. Anyway, in one of the episodes Kimmy talks about how you can survive anything 10 seconds at a time. Thats my goal! I can and I will get through this! I have times where I am feeling ready to fight and get this behind me, then other moments where I think there is no way in hell I can and whoever thought I could was wrong. I was talking to my roommates last night before I left and I was saying how I am not cut out for this type of thing. My roommate, Amanda, listened to me complain then said "but you are". It was really encouraging to hear that other people think I am! I know I am. I am so thankful to have friends that will bring me back to reality when I go way too far out.

I apologize for any grammar errors or if something doesn't make sense! I just wanted to write and did not really organize anything!

Thanks again for all the love and support!!!!! I keep saying that, but I feel like I will never be able to thank everyone enough!

Also if you haven't, be sure to read my post from yesterday :)

#inspirational
Life is full of unbreakable moments. Watch the new Netflix Original Series 'Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt' starring Ellie Kemper! #StreamTeam

1 comment:

  1. I love that you love quotes. Here's one of my favorites:
    "We are often troubled, but not crushed; sometimes in doubt, but never in despair; there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend; and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed."
    ~Linda

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