Here we are, NYE 2015 and I am not sure how to properly say goodbye to 2015.
2015 was a lot of things. It was hard. It was sad. It was difficult. It was challenging. It was happy. It was bittersweet. It was good. It was bad.
If I had to pick one word to describe 2015 it would be defining. This was a defining year for me. Obviously my diagnosis and the way it has changed my life is pretty upsetting, but I would not call this the worst year of my life. I mean, I am still here, still standing (a bit more wobbly than before but standing), and I am looking into a year that only holds good things.
I learned a lot of things this year. Some were things I could have done without, but they came with the territory so I learned them. I am not the same person I was when 2015 started. That fact is both good and bad, but also a little sad.
I see pictures from last NYE and it is crazy to think about all I had coming. It almost scares me in a way that the same could be said for this coming year, but I refuse to go there. I truly believe 2016 will be good. Not every moment, but I believe there is good to be had.
I am not sure why this year happened to me. I kind of want a chance to redo it! I honestly cannot believe all that I went through this year. If someone had told me last year at this time that I would spend the majority of the next year fighting cancer, I would have lost it. At the time, that was my worst nightmare. It isn't anymore. For someone who spent the majority of their life extremely healthy, I feel like I conquered this year quite well. It takes less to scare me now.
2015 will forever be the year marked by cancer. I don't think there is any escaping that, but there were also good things buried throughout the year. I met some awesome new people who I hope will continue to be my friends. My friends and I were able to do several little trips we had always talked about. I lost some weight (hopefully all you reading this have a sense of humor). I got to be home for my brother's senior year which was unexpected, but ended up being a good thing. I still got to take a little road trip with my mom and see One Direction. I had a really awesome 20th birthday all the way back in January. I got to see my aunt and/or some cousins just about every month after I was diagnosed. I got to see and experience first hand how kind people can be. I got to see Amy Schumer. Probably the year's biggest highlight was getting Stanley!!! It may sound weird or pathetic, but that little dog did so much for me mentally. It sounds so cheesy, but he really brought so much happiness and laughter to me and my family. I am so thankful for him!
I am sure that I could list more, but you get the point. I would not have gotten this far without my family and all of you. I do want to especially list my mom. She has not left my side (literally) these last 9 months. She spent every night in the hospital with me and never complained when I asked her to get me food. She has done so much for me. I truly would not have gotten through any of this without her.
I have a lot of hope and peace for 2016. 16 has always been my favorite number. I am not gonna say my family deserves a break because I don't believe that is how it works, but if it is then DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE? I am hopeful that next NYE I will be back to celebrating with my friends in a cute outfit with hair on my head. May 2016 be filled with hair, plenty of eating, and NO hospital visits! As the poster some of my favorite people gave me last Tuesday says: the best is yet to come. I truly believe that. For all of us.
So peace out 2015. You certainly left your mark but it is time for you to go. Far away. *insert door slamming noise*.
I wish all of you a very happy and safe NYE! May your 2016 be filled with much love, hope, and good health.
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